Just haven’t been in the mood lately? You’ve got company. Low libido impacts an estimated 20 percent of men and more than 50 percent of women at some point in their lives.
For most people navigating low libido, the culprit behind the lack of or reduced interest in sex is something none of us are immune to: stress. It’s the number one killer of libido, according to Dr. Lyndsey Harper, M.D., OB/GYN, founder of Rosy, a sexual health wellness technology platform made specifically for women with low libido.
But why does stress squash sex drive, exactly? Read on for a complete breakdown of the complex relationship between stress and sex drive, plus five tips for managing the libido-lowering stressors in your life.
- ABOUT OUR EXPERTS: Dr. Lyndsey Harper, M.D., OB/GYN, is the CEO and founder of Rosy, a sexual health wellness technology platform made specifically for women with low libido. Peter Schlegel M.D., F.A.C.S., is an internationally-recognized board-certified urologist who specializes in helping men with sexual dysfunction via Ro, a direct-to-patient healthcare company. Tara Suwinyattichaiporn, Ph.D., is a sex and relationship expert and an associate professor in the Department of Human Communication Studies at California State University.
Libido, Defined
As a refresher, “libido” is a term that attempts to describe an individual’s sexual appetite. It includes how often they think about or take actions that lead to a sexual experience, whether with themselves or others. The term “sex drive” is also sometimes used to describe the same thing.
What Counts As ‘Low’ Libido?
Libido is often prefaced by the adjectives “low” and “high,” but it is not actually something that can be measured numerically or monitored quantitatively, says Harper. Certainly, not in the way cholesterol or hormone levels can.
These adjectives are comparative in nature, so people usually self-determine whether their libido is high or low based on their perception of how often other people have—or want to have—sex, according to Harper. It is common for someone to assess their libido against their former self, a current or past sexual partner, a friend, or what the media has told them is normal. Given that environment, cultural touchstones, and interpersonal experiences all moderate exactly how someone understands libidinal levels, “it’s hard to get an accurate read on what someone really means when they say they have a high or low libido,” says Harper.
Read More: 6 Ways You’re Unintentionally Tanking Your Libido
That said, you likely have a general sense of what your personal libidinal norm is, says sex and relationship expert Tara Suwinyattichaiporn, Ph.D., associate professor in the Department of Human Communication Studies at California State University. Some libido variations are to be expected, but if your interest in sex has dropped way off for a sustained period you might consider it low, she says.
Exactly How Stress Impacts Libido
The connection between high stress and low libido is a multifaceted one that can’t be easily explained away with a one-liner. So, let’s dig into the stress-libido connection.
Stress And The Sex Hormones
Part of stress’ impact on sex drive is hormonal, according to Suwinyattichaiporn. “Physiologically, feeling stress can raise levels of the stress hormone cortisol,” she says. The entire hormone (endocrine) system is interconnected, so as cortisol levels rise, your sex hormones (estrogen and testosterone) levels can drop. In fact, the researchers of a 2017 study published in Cureus went as far as to say that stress “leads to the depletion of estrogen and testosterone stores in the body.”
Understandably, when your body essentially gets stuck in what we colloquially know as “flight-or-fight mode,” survival becomes its number one priority, and non-essential functions (like sexual arousal and reproductive function) get bumped to the bottom of the to-do list, Harper explains.
Ample estrogen and testosterone both support a healthy libido, so the result of having less circulating sex hormones can be that your libido goes MIA, says Suwinyattichaiporn. Indeed, one 2017 study found that a combination of both low estrogen and low testosterone leads to reduced libido for women in their post-menopausal years. Meanwhile, a 2017 study published in Current Opinions in Urology reported that low testosterone commonly causes low libido (as well as erectile dysfunction) in men. Put a damper on your sex hormones and you effectively put a damper on your desire to get it on.
Stress And Blood Flow
The impacts of stress on sex hormones have significant implications for your libido. But they’re not the only thing throwing off your groove when cortisol runs rampant. In fact, when your nervous system is in a sympathetic (or fight-or-flight) state, blood gets sent away from your core and towards the large muscles (like the legs and arms), which require a higher-than-normal amount of oxygen (via blood flow) should you need to flee, according to research published in 2023 in Advances in Experimental Social Psychology.
Why does that matter? Well, the pelvic floor muscles are part of the core. So, when you enter flight-or-flight, your genitals region gets less blood directed to it, which it needs in order to experience the physiological signs of arousal like natural lubrication and genital encouragement. Research has found that increased blood flow to the genitals is an essential component of both women’s and men’s sexual arousal.
The Mental Toll Of Stress
In addition to the physiological ways that stress can intercept sex drive, there are also psychological ways. “High stress levels also affect libido simply by making you feel mentally distracted,” says internationally-recognized board-certified urologist Peter Schlegel M.D., F.A.C.S., who specializes in helping men with sexual dysfunction. Indeed, feeling distracted and unable to concentrate are signs of chronic stress, according to the American Psychological Association.
Read More: The Best And Worst Foods To Eat When You’re Stressed
Unfortunately, these feelings can make it hard to think about how attractive your partner is or how your body feels,” says Harper. One study published in The Journal of Sexual Medicine found that chronically stressed women (who had high levels of cortisol) reported feeling much more mentally distracted when watching an erotic film than those with average stress levels.
Relationship-Specific Stress
No doubt, career and financial stress can wreak havoc on your libido—but even if your inbox is zero and your bank account is not zero, you might not have much of a libido if you and your partner are going through it.
“Relationship stress is a huge strain on libido,” says Harper. Whether the underlying issue is about the breakdown of household chores or lingering jealousy, if resentment or other negative feelings about your relationship or your partner start to build up, it’s unlikely that you will want to have sex with them, or that any sexual encounter will be pleasurable, she says.
How To Tackle Stress For Higher Libido
The good news is that there are ways to recover your sex life from the stress trenches. Ahead, five strategies for dialing down stress while dialing up your sex drive.
1. Understand why lowering stress is important
On its own, having a low libido is not a problem unless it is actively causing problems (i.e. distress or relationship issues) in your life, according to Harper. However, sky-high stress levels that tank libido are a problem. After all, chronic stress increases our risk of several conditions such as heart disease, stroke, and obesity. As such, “if chronic stress is a part of your life, it’s time to take a serious look at that and implement some healthy habits,” Harper says. Remembering this can make it easier to stay on track with your stress-lowering protocols, even on days when sex is the last thing on your mind.
2. Prioritize sleep
Want to spend more time rolling around in the sheets? You might need to spend more time in bed actually sleeping to start.
“Lack of sleep can lead to stress, which can lower libido,” says Harper. It can also cause a chain reaction throughout the body in which sex hormone production goes down, Schlegel adds. As it turns out, women’s estrogen levels are highest at night, while men’s bodies pump out the majority of their overall daily testosterone when they’re asleep.
The first step to getting more sleep is to set a consistent sleep and wake time, according to Harper. “That means going to bed at the same time every night and waking up at the same time in the morning…including weekends,” she says. It’s also important to keep your use of technology out of the bedroom, as scrolling on your phone in bed teaches your body that the bed is for entertainment not sleep, which can interfere with your ability to log quality Zzzs. Implementing additional sleep hygiene practices such as regular exercise, using noise reduction machines or earplugs, and avoiding use of caffeine, nicotine, and alcohol can all also support your sleep quality, according to Sleep Medicine Research.
“In the event that you work on your sleep habits and are unsuccessful, it’s worth making an appointment with a sleep specialist to get to the bottom of the trouble with sleep,” says Harper.
3. Find what works for you
No doubt, the usual stress-busting practices like meditating and doing yoga can help reduce your stress levels, which in turn can send your libido skyward. But the stress-reducing tactics unique to you are most likely to be effective, according to Schlegel.
“Stress is different for every individual and how we best manage the effects of stress varies tremendously,” he says. As such, Schlegel suggests leaning into the things that you know help you experience relief, whether they’re trendy in the wellness world or not. Maybe that’s knitting or running, reading fan-fiction or playing video games—so long as it eases your stress and doesn’t harm anybody else, it’s fair game.
4. Work with a therapist
If you’re stressed out from trying to juggle too many balls, Harper suggests working with a mental health care provider. “Doing serious introspection with a therapist to examine priorities and start living and making decisions accordingly can be very helpful,” she says.
Similarly, if you suspect underlying relationship issues are at the center of your lower libido, Suwinyattichaiporn recommends specifically hiring a sex therapist who works with couples. “They will be able to help you work together to resolve the relational or emotional barriers that might be impacting your desire for your partner,” she says.
5. Consider a libido supplement
While supplements are no magic cure for an MIA libido, they can be a supportive part of your overall approach, says Suwinyattichaiporn.
Typically, these supplements contain a combination of ingredients associated with increased sexual desire or improved function, she says. Indeed, maca, ginseng, and l-arginine have all been linked with improved sexual function. (Irwin Naturals Next-Level Steel-Libido X2 supplement contains all three.)
Some libido-boosting supplements, such as Olly Lovin’ Libido for Women and Babe Love Multivitamin for Libido, also contain ingredients that are thought to work against stress, such as ashwagandha or magnesium, which Suwinyattichaiporn says may indirectly benefit libido.
Importantly, “these supplements are not quick fixes,” she says. They will not drive notable changes to your stress levels or sex drive unless you’re also making lifestyle changes like getting proper sleep, eating well, and working on any underlying conflicts with your partner.
When To Seek Medical Treatment
Usually, having a low libido on its own is not a problem, says Harper. However, there are a few instances when your low libido is a sign to make an appointment with your doctor’s office.
The first is if there is a single clear moment (i.e. car crash, surgery, or medication change) that marked the end of your libido as you knew it. A medical professional will be able to assess the physical, physiologic, or mental changes that accompanied that turning point.
You should also seek out professional care if your low libido is accompanied by additional symptoms, such as erectile dysfunction, chronic fatigue, increased feelings of depression or anxiety, or pain during sex. Here, the lack of libido may be connected to an underlying health change or condition such as menopause, low testosterone, or a thyroid condition.
Finally, get help if you’re supremely botched by the status of your sex drive. Experiencing distress as a result of a low libido is the hallmark symptom of female interest/sexual arousal disorder (FIAD) and HSDD (hypoactive sexual desire disorder), both of which can usually be treated with a combination of the aforementioned practices, other lifestyle interventions, and medications.