{"id":18424,"date":"2018-04-27T14:01:30","date_gmt":"2018-04-27T18:01:30","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/whatsgood.vitaminshoppe.com\/?p=18424"},"modified":"2018-05-02T08:42:26","modified_gmt":"2018-05-02T12:42:26","slug":"i-quit-dieting","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.vitaminshoppe.com\/blog\/i-quit-dieting\/","title":{"rendered":"How Quitting Dieting Changed My Life"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>On my 30th birthday party, I wore a brand new outfit\u2014a beautiful black dress I\u2019d bought just for the occasion\u2014but something felt <em>off<\/em>. Looking at myself in the mirror, I picked apart everything about my <em>too-large<\/em>, <em>too-lumpy<\/em> body. My new dress rode up on my belly and the off-the-shoulder neckline wouldn\u2019t stay put.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cCan I get you a snack?\u201d my partner innocently asked, and I barked something about being so fat I didn\u2019t need any food.<\/p>\n<p>With only 20 minutes to go before my guests arrived, I\u00a0was\u00a0 feeling shaky, and longing for something I couldn\u2019t quite put my finger on.<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>I chose to quit dieting because I could see it eroding my sense of self, and I could even feel\u00a0it tearing my partner and I apart.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>I kind of knew what this was all about: I\u2019d been on a diet of some sort since I was a child. Twenty years of restrictive dieting had conditioned me to feeling a constant, gnawing <em>lack of<\/em> something. Times of high stress (like planning a big birthday party) tended to heighten this feeling.<\/p>\n<p>Earlier in the year,\u00a0I had started reading the inimitable comedian and activist\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.theguardian.com\/lifeandstyle\/2016\/may\/08\/perfect-body-lie-believed-long-time-let-shrink-my-life-lindy-west\">Lindy\u00a0West<\/a>. Her body-positive courage made me question everything I had ever believed about my own body. She wrote in <em><a href=\"https:\/\/www.theguardian.com\/lifeandstyle\/2016\/may\/08\/perfect-body-lie-believed-long-time-let-shrink-my-life-lindy-west\">The Guardian<\/a>,<\/em> \u201cThe\u00a0\u2018perfect body\u2019\u00a0is a lie. I believed in it for a long time, and I let it shape my life, and shrink it\u2014my real life, populated by my real body. Don\u2019t let fiction tell you what to do.\u201d<\/p>\n<!-- Shortcode [rr-products] does not match the conditions -->\n<p>Looking at myself in my beautiful birthday outfit and listening to my partner clanging around the kitchen, working hard to create special dishes for my birthday, I suddenly remembered West\u2019s words.\u00a0They jolted me out of my stupor and helped me decide on the biggest gift I would ever give myself\u2014the gift no one else could ever give me: I would quit dieting.<\/p>\n<p>I chose to quit dieting because I could see it eroding my sense of self, and I could even feel\u00a0it tearing my partner and I apart. I told myself it would only be for a year, that I had gotten too invested in dieting, too invested in superficiality, and that a break would do me good. But nearly two years later, I haven\u2019t looked back.<\/p>\n<p>There have been numerous studies and articles about the harmful impacts of dieting and the fact that <a href=\"https:\/\/www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov\/pubmed\/18695655\">BMI<\/a> is more like BS-I,\u00a0causing doctors to overlook symptoms\u00a0of real illness in favor of recommending a patient lose weight.\u00a0Advocates have even developed alternative ways of measuring health, including the Association for Size Diversity\u2019s campaign,\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.sizediversityandhealth.org\/content.asp?id=161\">Health at Every Size<\/a>. Put simply, dieting can be bad for you, <a href=\"http:\/\/www.jneb.org\/article\/S1499-4046(16)30221-4\/pdf\">physically<\/a> and <a href=\"https:\/\/www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov\/pubmed\/3191308\">mentally<\/a>.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Related:\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.vitaminshoppe.com\/blog\/2017\/03\/27\/is-bmi-important\/\">Does BMI Really Matter?<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n<p>I didn\u2019t find all of this research until well\u00a0after I\u2019d made the decision to step back from restrictive dieting, and it further encouraged me to take my health seriously. But instead of dieting, I focused on eating healthful foods, getting movement, and generally taking care of my well-being.<\/p>\n<p>The first weeks after I quit dieting were overwhelming.\u00a0When my partner and I were out to eat, I felt paralyzed by the options on the menu. Before, I had searched out the item with the least fat or carbs, but after I\u2019d quit dieting, I could suddenly eat anything I wanted. What did I even like? I\u2019d spent years saying I didn\u2019t enjoy dessert, but was that even true?<\/p>\n<p>Grocery shopping was an even more daunting task. If I wasn\u2019t sticking to a strict diet, how did I know what to eat? If my partner didn\u2019t have to prepare my dish separately so it used less <a href=\"https:\/\/www.vitaminshoppe.com\/search?search=extra%20virgin%20olive%20oil\">olive oil,<\/a> would that mean I could just eat whatever he prepared?<\/p>\n<p>I was faced with a deluge of new considerations and new opportunities. For a while, I was lost in a sea of indecision, but the longer I stayed away from restrictive dieting, the more I found foods I actually enjoyed\u2014many of which are nutritious (and some of which are delicious,\u00a0chocolatey\u00a0brownies).<\/p>\n<p>The strangest part of quitting dieting has been learning to understand my body and allowing myself to feel what I feel. In the past,\u00a0when and what I ate was organized, pre-approved, and scheduled down to the minute. I didn&#8217;t allow myself to feel hunger.\u00a0I learned to ignore those evolutionary signals\u00a0that meant I needed food.<\/p>\n<p>Now,\u00a0after almost\u00a0two years of not dieting,\u00a0I am trying to learn what it feels like to feel a little hungry or a medium amount of hungry. My therapist and I believe there\u00a0<em>are<\/em>\u00a0signals that I\u2019m growing hungry, but that I\u2019ve spent a lifetime learning not to listen to those signals. So,\u00a0I have\u00a0to learn anew, like a baby learning to crawl.<\/p>\n<p>What does that mean practically? I have a fast-paced lifestyle and a couple of jobs. So, I now carry snacks. I try to\u00a0keep a little something nutritional\u00a0on me at all times so I can answer my hunger\u00a0pangs with\u00a0something satisfying: fresh fruit, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.vitaminshoppe.com\/search?search=trail%20mix\">trail mix<\/a>, seaweed,\u00a0and <a href=\"https:\/\/www.vitaminshoppe.com\/search?search=FIBER%20BARS\">snack bars<\/a> boosted with <a href=\"https:\/\/www.vitaminshoppe.com\/search?search=fiber\">fiber<\/a> and <a href=\"https:\/\/www.vitaminshoppe.com\/search?search=protein%20powder\">protein<\/a>.\u00a0I even carry brownies when the mood strikes.<\/p>\n<p>The other part of quitting dieting is renegotiating my relationship to exercise. Before, exercise had been a source of punishment. How hard would I need to work out to make up for that Indian buffet I went to? Which weights should I lift to try to make my arms look less flabby?<\/p>\n<p>During one period I became obsessed with a very thin friend\u2019s (unhealthy) workout routine\u00a0and wanted to replicate it.\u00a0I did this, until one day I realized that my legs just wouldn\u2019t stop shaking. I sat down on the bench and realized I was lightheaded. I called my partner crying, begging for a ride home.<\/p>\n<p>These days, I don\u2019t use exercise as punishment. I try to enjoy my exercise!\u00a0Instead of taking on daunting exercise regiments that work for someone else, I try to figure out what makes<em> me<\/em> happiest. I love\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.vitaminshoppe.com\/blog\/2017\/07\/12\/walking-every-day\/\">walking.<\/a> I love riding\u00a0my <a href=\"https:\/\/www.vitaminshoppe.com\/blog\/2018\/03\/09\/how-i-became-a-biker\/\">bike<\/a>. I love<a href=\"https:\/\/www.vitaminshoppe.com\/blog\/2017\/10\/04\/yoga-for-beginners\/\"> yoga<\/a>.\u00a0I even enjoy\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.vitaminshoppe.com\/blog\/2017\/05\/31\/zumba-weight-loss\/\">Zumba.\u00a0<\/a><\/p>\n<p>What I love the most is being outside with my dogs and my partner, exploring new spaces or gardening.\u00a0Instead of forcing intense exercise into my routine, I\u2019ve tried to change my routine to include more frequent and longer spans of time where I can be active.<\/p>\n<p>I no longer weigh myself, either. After decades of knowing exactly how much I weighed, down to the ounce, I now have genuinely no idea. Some of my old clothes fit. Some don\u2019t\u2014especially those items that I purchased to shame myself into losing weight.\u00a0I wish I could say it never bothers me, but that wouldn\u2019t be true.<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>These days, I don\u2019t use exercise as punishment. I try to enjoy my exercise!\u00a0Instead of taking on daunting exercise regiments that work for someone else, I try to figure out what makes<em> me<\/em> happiest.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>Last week, I wanted to wear a nice shirt, but none fit just right. One was too tight on my\u00a0arms,\u00a0another wouldn\u2019t button over my chest. I started down the same self-hating path and\u00a0was inundated by\u00a0the harmful thoughts and instincts I\u2019d\u00a0developed over a lifetime of counting calories and punishing my hunger.<\/p>\n<p>I\u00a0made myself\u00a0sit down, let myself feel ashamed\u00a0and\u00a0overwhelmed\u00a0and\u00a0angry\u00a0and\u00a0pitiful, took a few breaths, and reminded\u00a0myself that I quit dieting for a reason.<\/p>\n<p>Most of the time,\u00a0I feel ambivalent\u00a0about my body\u00a0and I think that\u2019s just fine.\u00a0Compared to the decades of loathing everything about myself, ambivalence is an improvement. Sometimes I also feel proud. It takes a lot of courage to fight the stigma and harmful narratives around being fat or a person of size (we aren\u2019t all comfortable with the same way of describing ourselves).<\/p>\n<p><strong>Related:\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.vitaminshoppe.com\/blog\/2017\/10\/03\/plus-size-gym-body-advocacy\/\">Why I Never Hide My Plus-Size Body At The Gym<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n<p>I try to push myself every day to look for and tell stories of fat people. I try to fight the hatred I\u2019ve internalized and instead celebrate the strong, beautiful body I do have, even if no one else does.<\/p>\n<p>My focus is no longer on denying my needs, but embracing them\u2014finding ways to create greater health and wellness for myself in the broadest possible definition.<\/p>\n<p>I won\u2019t tell you quitting dieting wasn\u2019t scary\u2014it was. But now I actually understand my body better. I look back on the night I decided to quit dieting, and\u00a0remember laughing with friends and eating amazing food. I look back on my friends sharing stories about what they love and cherish about me. I look back on a person who, possibly for the first time, wasn\u2019t denying herself<em>.\u00a0<\/em>That\u2019s who I want to be, always.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>On my 30th birthday party, I wore a brand new outfit\u2014a beautiful black dress I\u2019d bought just for the occasion\u2014but something felt off. Looking at myself in the mirror, I picked apart everything about my too-large, too-lumpy body. My new dress rode up on my belly and the off-the-shoulder neckline wouldn\u2019t stay put. \u201cCan I<a class=\"more-link\" href=\"https:\/\/www.vitaminshoppe.com\/blog\/i-quit-dieting\/\">Read More <span class=\"screen-reader-text\">How Quitting Dieting Changed My Life<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":184,"featured_media":18431,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[5,8,9],"tags":[1237,523,96,1238,628,254],"class_list":["post-18424","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-health","category-stories","category-the-latest","tag-body-positivity","tag-dieting","tag-food","tag-lindy-west","tag-self-care","tag-weight"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v23.7 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>How Quitting Dieting Changed My Life | What\u2019s Good blog<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"On my 30th birthday party, I wore a brand new outfit\u2014a beautiful black dress I\u2019d bought just for the occasion\u2014but something felt off. 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