The Secret To Healthy Aging Probably Isn’t What You Think

If healthy aging were a recipe, you could probably name several ingredients it calls for, such as a nutritious diet, regular exercise, mental stimulation, and quality sleep. But another ingredient doesn’t always get the acknowledgment it deserves: your social life! 

Recent research out of Northwestern University shows that so-called “SuperAgers” (adults over 80 who have the memory capacity of people at least three decades younger) share the characteristic of being highly social. This joins other research that suggests more socialization is better for longevity, with even a little bit making a difference. 

It makes sense, says Dr. Adrianna Holness, Ph.D., licensed clinical psychologist and founder of Worth and Wellness Psychology. “Strong, healthy relationships can lower stress, regulate our nervous system, and even reduce inflammation in the body,” she explains. “Over time, this protective buffer supports our immune system, improves heart health, and helps us recover more quickly from setbacks.”

Fortunately, you don’t have to throw a weekly dinner party or start your own bowling league to promote longevity. Try these six simple ways to weave more meaningful connections into your social fabric—and potentially extend your years.

• ABOUT OUR EXPERTS: Dr. Adrianna Holness, Ph.D., is a licensed clinical psychologist and founder of Worth and Wellness Psychology. Dr. David Tzall, Psy.D., is a psychologist. 

1. Put It on the Calendar

In a highly scheduled world, most of us are beholden to our calendars. That’s why psychologist Dr. David Tzall, Psy.D., suggests blocking out time on your digital or paper planner for social activities. “It’s no different than scheduling and making time for other aspects of life,” he says. “If it’s in your calendar, you’re more likely to prepare for it and follow through with it.” 

Read More: 3 Keys to Aging Well, According to Research

At the start of each month or week, take stock: Where could you pencil in some time for a phone call with a friend or walk around the block with a neighbor? Peppering a few social moments (even brief ones!) throughout your schedule ensures you don’t get lost in a sea of work, appointments, and other obligations without filling your connection cup.

2. Make It Face-to-Face

No shade on virtual connection here; Holness says it definitely has its place in our lives. However, being physically present with others activates our nervous system in ways that do even more to calm stress and boost mood. “Eye contact, tone of voice, and even shared laughter stimulate the vagus nerve, which helps with resilience and overall well-being,” she explains. Research this up, showing that in-person hangouts provide bigger mood boosts than digital ones.

Holness encourages prioritizing face-to-face interactions whenever possible. Even if it’s brief or sporadic, try for real-world hang time with family and friends through meals, coffee dates, shared workouts, or other activities. (We know making in-person plans can feel daunting when life moves a mile a minute, so heed the previous tip and get these gatherings on the calendar!)

3. Dive Into a Hobby

Feeling short on in-person friendships? There’s no better way to connect with like-minded folks than to engage in a favorite hobby. Holness says activities like book clubs, volunteer groups, cooking classes (or any sort of skill-centered class), and other shared experiences create deep bonds, since they focus on a common love or curiosity. “They also provide structure and routine, which keep us engaged and less isolated over time—a factor strongly linked to longevity,” she says. If it’s been a while since you got involved in an extracurricular activity, check out what your local community has to offer.

4. Embrace “Micro-Moments” of Connection

For lifespan extension, labor-intensive soirees or lingering brunches aren’t always necessary (or, for most of us, practical). Instead, Holness suggests smaller everyday checkpoints. Even chatting over the fence with a neighbor, sharing a silly joke with a friend, or talking to fellow parents in the school pickup line could make a difference to your well-being. “These micro-moments help regulate stress and remind your body it’s safe and supported, which is key for long-term health,” Holness says.

Small as they might seem, Tzall says these touchpoints can strengthen our sense of belonging and community. “We feel like we are part of something and not just a person on an island,” he says. “Each small, positive interaction releases a tiny hit of oxytocin, reinforcing that the world is a safe and social place.” The more positive our view of the world, the better our chances of aging well. Two large-scale studies recently linked optimism to longevity and well-being.

5. Use Tech the Right Way

Technology can be both a blessing and a curse for relationship-building. In today’s world, it’s important to use tech tools in ways that promote deeper, more tangible connections. “Simply liking someone’s social media post does not have the same fulfillment as a two-to-three-minute voice message,” Tzall says.

Read More: Online Wellness Communities: What’s In It For You?

Rather than clicking the thumbs-up and calling it a day, be intentional about making tech-mediated interactions more personal, he suggests. Leave voice notes instead of sending texts; schedule video calls instead of phone calls; tell someone why a funny meme or interesting article reminded you of them. “These acts are more active and less passive,” says Tzall. “Using tech this way can preserve emotional closeness.”

6. Be Real

Cultivating meaningful relationships requires vulnerability. So, when you’re with people who have earned your trust, practice opening up about your struggles and joys, Holness suggests. It can be difficult (especially since over half of Americans report feeling like no one really knows them well). But if you can find the right person to go deep with, it’ll only solidify your connection and make the relationship more likely to last.

“These authentic exchanges counter loneliness and help our nervous systems regulate through co-regulation—a fancy way of saying we feel calmer and safer when someone else is truly present with us,” she explains. Who knows? The deep friendships you make now might stay with you into your later years.